_just me_
_just me_
_just me_
_just me_
_just me_
_just me_
_just me_
6:20 AM
Monday, January 11, 2010
suddenly, i miss my secondary school friends, the batch that graduated with me, but i'm the one left behind... those memories that we've got since sec 1 kept playing on my mind... the time we sing "she will be loved" so awfully and softly, and everyone can't even reach the " she .... be loved, she .... be lov-e-d.... " i'm trying to recall, since when, did i get disconnected from their world, just as i rmb, it's secondary 3, when each of us got separated, somehow others have get on with their life knowing new ppl, but i'm the only one that stay behind...
the " ANTI- THAM Campaign " and alot alot more..... all in a short time became our past, that have been gone for so long.... now, if you ask me, secondary school friends, who's there,i really don't think i can reply.
going to poly le, new environment, i'm so sure that i gonna see ppl that i know... who's more senior than me... how will it be.... will i still be as anti social... oh gosh.... i can't imagine...
4:54 AM
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
BOYFRIEND ISSUE.
I don't despise him. But to many others, he's a boyfriend that "it's better not to have." He really is trying very hard, but somehow it's not enough. Sometimes i really wonder, "Is it too much for him? Is he coping well? Is he catching up with me? Or just let me wander further and further from him? "
Somehow, in some way, i blame his behaviour on his family. The kinda upbringing,seem to make his life aimless. He has no goal,perhaps have, but the wrong type of goal. I somehow realise, that people acknowledge him, and agree that he continue to be my boyfriend, is because he get me out of the darkness i used to sink into. I tried my best to let go, of that scary past that still wakes me up in sleep, but i'm still unable to.
BUT PEOPLE, I REALLY NEED HIM. I LOVE HIM. But in this reality, he must be someone. HE MUST BE SOMEONE. Someone that i not only can rely psychologically,physically,but also financially. So that we can have a HAPPY EVER AFTER.
Being with him, i became insensitive of other guys around me, as in, i somehow don't hesitate to reject anyone just because of him. I've also learn to be more thrifty. As time pass by, i realise that, i really worry about his everything. About his future, about his present. Especially his health. However, perhaps to him, i'm just too bothersome. Did i care too much,sometimes i wonder,i really wonder...But i'm really those kinda girlfriend, that can just send him panadols, and go home( I live in lakeside,and him in admiralty. ) Is those kinda girlfriend very wrong? I'm really worried about his swollen hand. I'm afraid if there's any fracture... HANDS, are very important,if there's any old injuries after that, the pain will really be long term. However, he almost never listen to me.
I realise that money is the root of all evil is quite true too... Without money,you'll be despised... Others will " look you no up " but you can't do anything bout it...
The word success,it's so simple to just say this 7 words. But the hardwork and determination behind this is really so so so much... so much so that i really wonder that this word will one day me under my descriptions. to think of this, i really fear, what's in front of me.
I said that i want to open a shop that sells fruits, fruit juices, fruit smoothies, and some food; by keng hoon. It's really so much more easy to say, but as i said, i realise that there's so much more that i have to do, and that i've accomplished none.What am i do, someone tell me...
I took my hat off my uncle,salute! He is really successful. A story that my family is proud of... Will i be the next? hahas... Let's all wait and see... :)
4:03 AM
Sunday, December 13, 2009
wow.. it's been so long since i've blogged... i just found this new skin and finally it works.... but i don't know what to do with the "about me" and all the other stuff.. so well... i'll just leave it first untill i've found someone who knows how to do it.... meanwhile... i've lost all the links... try to link me back if possible.....^^
4:04 AM
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I really don't know why, i getting more and more helpless... more and more hopeless.... suddenly, i feel that my studies seemed to be dragging me, i can't neglect it, and go to work, neither can i study, and have got no income...
this is definitely not fair... why am i born in such a poor family... from outside, it may seem ok... perhaps my family's not poor, instead, i am... why can others just concentrate on their o levels and nothing else? why do i have to care so much about so many other stuff other than my own studies....
fairytales will NEVER be real.... no one will stand by me and help me if i've got any probs.... no one will... i'm always solving things by myself, by hook or by crook.... when will i be able to walk out of this poverty.... this is just so sickening... i'm tired of having so much worries, i really am....
will someone get me if i fall? lols.. i doubt so bahs.... perhaps, when anyone discover it, i'd be dead.... sigh..... i'm really overwhelmed with troubles..... my shoulders are breaking, with all the burdens on my shoulder.....
i do not know when i'll be able to tahan, and hold on to this and walk thru all this without losing my humanity.... i doubt any normal family need to right.... sigh.......but why must i? am i the abnormal one? sigh... someone help....
7:22 PM
Thursday, July 30, 2009
SICKENING BROTHER...
8:47 PM
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Darling, darling, darling, it hurts me to see you in so much pain, crying non-stop, and i just can't do anything to help, but to try console you.....your tears are uncontrollable anymore.... but i would wanna tell you that,i will walk with you through this darkest days of your life, like how you hold my hands and walk out my darkest days.... i really hope i can do something, but i know i can't, i'm not a god, neither am i a fairy,i hope the fact turned out isn't that bad, i hope there's still cure for your dad.i know you need him alot... your life is all bout him... i can't imagine the days without him.... if not, my darling will not be happy anymore, he will start putting on fake smiles everyday... trying to convince himself that it's ok... but deep inside, his heart shatters, and bleeds...it hurts me to see you like this, but at least you wouldn't hide your tears from me....
syg ar syg.... you must be strong... you have got to take care of the family.... and you're the only man in the family.... don't worry, i will stand by you.... and try to help you as much as possible....
gods from all religious, gods from everywhere in the world,i beg you please and let it be nth... perhaps,a miracle, of having a wrong report....i really hope nth would have happen....
3:16 PM
